Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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