she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
