Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
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