Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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