i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize