drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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