2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
