Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
