take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
