Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
