JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
