Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I'm really busy with my period
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