and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
