It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Randomize
