I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
