his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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