I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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