somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Two words: nipple clamps
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