grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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