atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
i think i just lost a toe
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
