Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
