Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
