I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize