The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize