I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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