Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
