she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
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