and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
