mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
