I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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