I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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