i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
