You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
