dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
