Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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