Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
