And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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