I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
