i may or may not be watching the land before time
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
