actually, I'm a sock model
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
