I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
