dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
