So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Randomize
