if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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