I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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