I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
