I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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