wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Randomize
