just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
