I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Randomize