worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
