Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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