I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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