we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
