I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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