we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
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