Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
