he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
