I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
