What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
