U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
MIDGETS
????
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize