He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
