I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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