I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
