One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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