Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
