Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
