We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
