I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Randomize
