i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize