random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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