the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize