I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
