I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
