I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
